GE investors to sell assets

NEW YORK - In a move that was a surprise to many in the business world, an investor in General Elecric Corp. has announced that he will liquidate his entire stake in the company. Jeff Hendricks, of Aurora, IL, will be liquidating all 125 shares of the company sometime this month, in a move to increase the liquidity in his portfolio.
According to Hendricks, whose 125 shares make up about 0.000000012% of the company and are worth an estimated $1.9 thousand, "I just found out my Gramps left me some stock when he died a couple of years ago." He added, "It woulda been easier if he'd just given me some cash."
Tightened assets and diminished liquidity have been hallmarks of the securities market and investment banking industry for the better part of the last six months, marked by the collapse of the Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers firms, as well as several companies receiving aid as part of a $700 trillion "bailout" package passed by congress in late 2008.
GE executives could not be reached to commeng on Hendricks' sudden and shocking divestment, though a spokesman for the company alluded that a search for new investors and capital contributions is underway.
As for Mr. Hendricks' earnings from the sale, he plans on immediately re-infusing the cash into the economy by "maybe paying my rent" and "buying a kick-ass subwoofer" for his midtown-Aurora basement apartment.